


In the Lonely Hour

by elizabeth_isnotonfire



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: AU, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Sam Smith - Freeform, Shameless Smut, Songfic, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-31
Updated: 2016-01-01
Packaged: 2018-05-10 18:20:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5596090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elizabeth_isnotonfire/pseuds/elizabeth_isnotonfire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Listened to In the Lonely Hour by Sam Smith and decided to make one-shots based on some of the songs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Latch

**Author's Note:**

> lots of smut in this one, but i promise they won't all be like this. we'll see.

I sit in my apartment, thinking of only one name- Phil. Everything about him enchants me, from the way his eyes sparkle and are full of life to his beautiful, soft, pale skin and how it feels over mine- how he cares for me and how dorky and adorable he is. Fuck, I really have fallen for him. Even from the moment we first met, I knew there was definitely something about him that I could fall in love with. Maybe it was how quirky and silly he was, or maybe just how his face seemed to light up the whole room like a ray of sunshine.

I hear a knocking at my door, pulling me from my thoughts. I run to it, trying to peel my thoughts away from the wonderful boy so that I could be composed well enough to greet the mystery visitor. My shaky hands grasp the doorknob and I focus all of my thoughts on trying not to become the awkward mess I tend to be around most people. I open the door, and standing before me- is Phil himself. My face immediately lights up into a smile and without a second thought I pull him into a tight hug. I feel him gasp around me, but he hugs me back just as tightly and his cool body against the warmth of mine is something I could stay wrapped in forever. 

“Hey, Dan,” He greets me with a soft smile. His eyes are framed by large glasses, making him even more adorable- which I hadn’t even thought possible. His eyes seem to shine in the dim light cast from within my apartment and his sharp features are now softened in the light. His ebony hair frames his face perfectly, and I don’t ever think I’ve ever been in love with someone so much before.

I stand back and open the door wider, allowing him inside. “Hey, Phil,” I return the simple greeting.

“I have something to talk about,” he states. My mind immediately begins to run in a million different directions- what if he’s decided he doesn’t like me? The negative options weigh down my mind and apparently they show on my expression because he immediately begins to explain. “It’s nothing bad,” he explains, “I’ve actually wanted to tell you this for a while now. See Dan, I knew this from the moment I met you. I knew from the second I saw your beautiful face and when I held you in my arms for the first time. I knew this from the time I heard your laugh and got to know you and-“ he pauses, “I guess I’m rambling. But,” He stands and walks over to me, and hangs his arms around my waist, “Daniel James Howell, I’ve fallen in love with you.” By now, a blush has crept up on both of our faces and the air between us has become uncomfortably heavy with his nervousness.

I giggle and drape my arms over his shoulders, his height still a bit higher than mine. “You dork,” I tell him, smiling, “I think I’ve fallen for you too.”

The enormous smile that lights up his features causes me to laugh, but he brings our faces together quickly into a soft kiss. It doesn’t stay that way for long though, because soon his lips are passionately moving against mine and his arms are wrapping tighter and tighter against my body, pulling me closer into him. Our chests are pressed together along with our lips and although we are both pretty inexperienced with making out like this, it feels like heaven. The soft scent of his cologne fills my nostrils and his soft lips move against mine in a rhythm. His arms move against my back and his hands pull my body even closer to his, as if he can’t be close enough to me and I feel the same way. My hands move from his neck and run through his soft hair. My mind had been running like wild, but as Phil kisses me I think of nothing other than how good he smells and how nice this is and damn, how much I want him. We break apart for a split second as I lead us back over to the couch, and as I lay on top of him my mouth finds his again. His strong hands hold my shoulders, but slowly trail downward further and further until they’ve reached my ass and he holds on there. I make a soft moan into the heavy kiss and I move away for a second to begin unbuttoning his shirt.

He pauses me for a moment to ask, “Are you sure you want this?”

Without a moment’s hesitation, I respond, “Absolutely.”

He accepts the confirmation and moves to remove my t-shirt. I pull my arms above my head, allowing him to pull it off and he pauses again for a moment to look at my body. I begin to feel insecure, and worry about whether or not I’m good enough to be with him- when my thoughts are dismissed by Phil saying, “God, you are beautiful. You don’t understand how long I’ve wanted to see you like this.”

I answer him by smiling. His hands roam my chest and his mouth leaves small kisses and gently sucks at my neck, gaining more small moans from me. I’ve imagined these events playing out in my mind multiple times, fantasizing about the way he would feel and how he would kiss. The reality is multiple times better than what I had ever imagined. This all seems like a dream, but I know it won’t end and that makes it so much better.

“Is this why you don’t like your neck being touched?” Phil asks me in a husky voice, biting down and sucking in order to leave love bites. I moan louder in response and I can barely hear him as he says, “I guess so.”

My jeans become tighter and more uncomfortable by the minute as Phil continues to do things to my neck. I notice Phil has the same issue, as his erection rubs against my leg. I reach down to unbutton and remove my jeans and Phil momentarily stops sucking my neck in order to do the same. I miss the feeling of his warm lips on me, but by the time his jeans are removed and on the floor he begins sucking on my chest and he gently picks me up and flips us over. His mouth moves to suck on one of my nipples and the sudden pleasure causes another high pitched moan to erupt from my lips. His fingertips gently work on the other as he continues to suck and softly bite at the first. I know I won’t be able to take this much longer. His mouth moves to the other nipple and begins repeating the process as his hands trail downward and slowly pull down my boxers, letting my erection free. One hand slowly begins to stroke me as the other gently rubs one nipple as his mouth works on the other, and I have completely become a writhing and moaning mess underneath him. I know that I wouldn’t last much longer this way, with the pleasure nearly being too much. 

“Fuck me, Phil,” I manage to choke out between moans.

“What was that? I couldn’t quite hear you,” He teases with a smirk.

“Please, please, fuck me Phil,” I beg of him, “fuck me so hard I won’t be able to walk.”

My words seem to have some effect on him and he immediately reaches over to his pants pocket to pull out a small packet of lube. He coats his fingers in the substance before slowly putting one into me. “Tell me when I can go further,” he tells me softly. God, I didn’t imagine that he would be so gentle and caring.

After a moment, the pain fades and I nod. He moves his finger in further, causing me to moan. The pain is still there like fire, but it is subtle compared to the amazing pleasure this is giving me. When the pain has all but disappeared completely, I nod again and he slowly adds another finger. He waits until I’ve adjusted and I nod again, and then he begins to move them in and out of me with a gentle pace. I moan as he does this and he scissors them inside as well. His fingers then hit somewhere within me- my vision goes white and my entire body erupts with pleasure. “Phiiiil,” I moan out. I didn’t think it could get any better, but then he adds a third and final finger and by the time I’ve adjusted it seems as though I could come any moment.

“Please Phil, fuck me, I’m ready,” I beg.

He nods and rolls on a condom before he slowly enters me. His three fingers had stretched me, but were still incomparable to his large size. He continues until he’s in all the way, and the pain finally begins to subside.

“Please move,” I tell him, short of breath. He begins slowly, but quickly picks up pace. Our loud moans fill the room as our bodies move in unison. Soon enough, he’s slamming into me and changing his angle until he’s hitting the bundle of nerves inside me over and over again causing my body to be completely filled with pleasure. My moans are so loud they are nearly screams now, and I say “I love you, I love you, I love you,” over and over again like a chant. I feel myself getting closer and closer to my climax as the familiar warmth builds in my abdomen. Phil reaches down and begins to stroke me to the same pace of his thrusts and my vision blurs as I come screaming Phil’s name. White shoots upward onto my stomach and not long after, Phil comes as well. He slowly pulls out and rolls off the condom as he hands me a tissue to clean myself off. He lays on me again once we are both finished. We smell like sex and are probably pretty gross right now, but I couldn’t be happier. I’ve latched onto this boy, and I’m not letting him get away from me anytime soon.


	2. Not In That Way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is an emotional rollercoaster whoops

He stood directly before me. Why the words I wanted to say so badly wouldn’t come out, I wouldn’t know. All I had to say was ‘I love you,’ and everything would be solved. I could never get the courage to say these words, knowing deep down that they wouldn’t be accepted well. Why I continued to be with him, and spend time with him, is another thing. I needed to stop. I couldn’t keep torturing myself this way, continuing to be close with him and verging on the edge of something more, that was just out of reach. 

He comes over to my house, and we play video games, or we would even sometimes just talk. Completely platonically, of course. And I would continue to be torn up inside about all of it. All I would be able to think about is how much I’d like to take Dan Howell into my arms and how much I would like to hold him close and kiss him and never let him go. None of this would ever happen, but I could imagine. The countless times I’ve fantasized of having him in my arms and his lips on mine are nothing compared to what it would actually be like. I can imagine us living together forever, owning a Shiba Inu, even getting married and living the rest of our lives together. 

Dan stands in front of me. “Phil?” He asks, concerned.

I want nothing more than to pull him into my arms and tell him I love him. I want nothing more than to keep him here forever, safe and sound and completely mine. “I think it’s time you should go home,” I tell him sadly. 

“No.” He answers sternly.

I look back at him, and my eyes are nearly spilling over with tears. “Please leave,” I tell him, defeated. I just want time for nothing more than just being sad over what, or more accurately, who I can’t have. 

“This is the third time you’ve done this to me, Phil.”

“I’m sorry,” I tell him, “but I just want you to leave!” I nearly yell at him, and every word that spills out of my mouth stings a little more. I didn’t want to imagine what they were doing to him.

“I’m not going anywhere until you just tell me what’s wrong!” He says loudly, “If you make me leave today, I’m not coming back.”

That sentence is what wrecks me. I would do anything to have the courage to tell him how I feel. I remember the one time I asked him about his sexuality. It was when we were both in good moods, and the question just slipped out. He laughed it off, telling me that he’s straight. It’s how I know that he would never be able to love me, he’d never want to be with me that way.

I know telling him how I feel is a terrible idea. I just can’t bring myself to make him leave, either. There’s always one little sliver of hope in me, and it’s why I haven’t given up on him. I always have the voice in the back of my mind telling me that there’s still a chance and that it doesn’t have to be over, but I know none of that is true. I know exactly what he would say. He’d say, “I’m sorry, I love you, but not in that way.” There’s no way he could love me in the way I want him to. I can’t blame him for it either, because his sexuality isn’t really his choice. I know enough about it to know that.

If I tell him to leave now, I could get over him. I could forget all about him, and fall in love with some other person. I would forget all about everything that was between us.

I just don’t want to forget.

I don’t want to be over him.

I’m stubborn with some things, and this is one of them.

“Phil?” He asks again, in a softer tone. “I- I just want to help.” He rests his arm in the doorframe of my apartment and looks at me with a concerned expression. “Why won’t you tell me what’s wrong?”

It would have been easier on me if he kept yelling. If he would have just been cruel and left and never came back, like he said he would. But the way he’s caring for me makes all of it worse, and it feels like my heart is being ripped out from inside my chest when I realize that I’ll either have to tell him the truth or tell him to leave. 

He hasn’t even stepped one foot inside my apartment and I’m already considering making him go home. Dan Howell, who is supposed to be my best friend. I’ve ruined that too. Even if I got over him, things would never be the same between us after, even if he decided he wanted to stick around.

 

Dan sighs, “I guess I should just leave. See you- sometime.” He begins to turn around and walk away, when something inside me snaps when it sees his defeated expression and I reach out, grabbing his shirt sleeve and pulling him back to me. His face become shocked, and a blush pulls to his cheeks when he notices how close our faces together- but that’s just from the awkwardness of being this close, right? The expression gives me some sort of courage and I decide to just go for it.

“I’ll tell you what’s wrong if you don’t leave.”

He gives me a small smile and stands up straight. 

“Do you want some tea?” I offer. I realize that I’m acting as though he’s a stranger, when in reality I know him better than nearly anyone else. Before he can answer, I begin making it.

“So, like, I kind of noticed that somethings been bothering you a few months ago actually,” he begins, not acknowledging my tea offer. “I mean, I didn’t want to bring it up because I just assumed you’d work it out yourself.”

I sigh. The moment I had been dreading and hoping for simultaneously for the past- well, since I’ve known him. Even the first day we met, I knew I was fucked. Maybe it was his beautiful smile, or his dimples, or how dorky and cute he was, seeing him changed me. It was always just a small crush, and I never thought of it as anything else- until recently when I realized how bad I had it. How much I longed for him to be with me, to be mine, and soon after I realized that it would be impossible.

“I love you, Dan.” I tell him, softly.

“I love you too, you’re my best friend,” he answers quickly, but his expression changes to something I can’t recognize when he realizes what I meant. That I love him in that way, in the way he can’t love me back. I braced myself for his response, for him to tell me exactly how he just doesn’t like me in that way and how he’s actually straight. How much he cares for me, but how he can’t care for me that way. 

“Phil, I-“ he begins.

I cut him off. Tears are streaming down my face and I’ve fallen down onto the floor, crumpled. “Dan, please don’t say anything,” I tell him. “I just, I knew I loved you from the moment I met you. I know you don’t like me that way, that you’re straight. I couldn’t stop myself though. You can leave now, because I don’t need to hear all of it. If that’s all true, then leave right now and please, don’t come back.”

Dan stood from his chair and walked out of the front door, gently closing it behind him.

The sobs became louder. I had always known my assumptions were true. I always knew that he wouldn’t love me back because he just couldn’t. I always knew these things, but yet when they’re actually proven, it seems to hurt so much more. Maybe it’s because I still had hope, maybe it’s just because I’m emotional, maybe it’s just because I miss his presence. He won’t ever come back. We won’t ever just hang out again, laughing together and just enjoying each other. He’s going to forget about me completely, and he’s going to meet some girl, and they’re going to live the rest of their lives together. He will marry her, and I don’t even know if I’ll be able to get over him.

I’m still crying on the floor when the door busts open again and Dan runs back inside. He lifts me up from the floor and pulls me into a tight hug. “Dan..?”

“I’m sorry, Phil,” he began, “I know I love you with more than just wanting to be friends. I always have, too. I just…”

“Why did you leave then? Why did you walk out of that door?!” I’m nearly yelling at him, pulling away from his hug. I know I should be happy, this is what I’ve always wanted to hear him say, but I just can’t. “Why did you wait so long to tell me? Why didn’t you even say anything when you found out?! Do you know how much you-“ I pause to take a breath, and wipe some of the tears off of my cheeks, “Do you know how much I’ve been hurting?” I don’t scream the last line. My voice seems to have failed me. I know I’m hurting him with what I’m saying, but if he had only told me how he felt before… I wouldn’t have had to go through all of this. “Why did you tell me you were straight?” I nearly whisper.

“I was scared,” He begins to explain, “I was afraid to love you, but now I’ve realized that it shouldn’t matter. Phil Lester, I’m completely in love with you whether or not you’re willing to accept it.”

I pull him back into a hug. “You’re such a dork,” I tell him. 

He smiles as we kiss.


End file.
